Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Shades of black and grey

I am beginning to love that there are shades of grey in life. When I was much younger I believed only black and white really existed, but more and more I am seeing shades of grey in everything and I find this oddly comforting (you would think the opposite to be true). I suppose it's some form of maturity, and probably more so life experience that teaches me this.

I agree that there are things in life that are quite obviously abhorrent and inconceivable, and I am not condoning the commission of any sort of atrocity. But my point is that there are shades of grey even in those abhorrent events. Something wrong to one may not be so for another, and so on. (And I apologise in advance if this idea causes any offence).

To a degree I would agree if you were to accuse me of fence sitting, but sometimes I prefer it up here, at least as a temporary option. Until I know which side of the fence is the better side, as an almost certainty, I'm going to stay on the fence and observe - is there anything so wrong with that?

To be fair, on myself that is, for some things I do not fence-sit, but rather am located squarely on "a side" (for instance I have never considered it bad to eat chocolate or ice-cream, in my view whatever your "diet" you should be able to partake in these delicious delicacies).

A most surprising turn of events is a recently learned idea, that some consider me to be a "strong" person. The fact that at times I consider myself quite sensitive and vulnerable apparently doesn't factor into this at all, it seems to only strengthen this viewpoint. I suppose I feel as though I am strong in some ways, though in other ways a feather could knock me out cold.

What makes a person strong? Does the fact that I go for what I want, or stand by what I have decided (painful obstacles notwithstanding) make me strong? Is it that once I've made up my mind I stick to my guns until I grow up enough to see that there are more shades of grey I have uncovered? Is it that even though I am fragile I still do these things?

This of course brings about the old adage, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I think there is truth to this. But what of people who have not had to endure some sort of extreme pain? Does any such person exist? How do you even compare types of pain? Is pain even relevant to strength? Perhaps strength is tested and proves endurable once, and only once, some sort of pain is present.

Strength does not necessariliy relieve the severity of pain though. If I possess any strength then I can attest to this firsthand. I find the most soothing antidote to pain are these shades of grey that I can see everywhere. It diminishes the effect of hurtful words and gives objectivity to hurtful behaviours.

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