Friday, 30 September 2011

Fighting this idea of perfect: but what is "perfect" anyway?

I always seem to return to this one thought. No matter which merry-go-round I end up on, no matter the digressions, diversions, distractions or tangents, it usually comes back to this one same thought: 'how do I do this the right way, the perfect way...?'. Or, 'how can I be perfect at this?'

It's infuriating! I'm not perfect. I was never perfect. I hate perfect. I don't even want to be perfect!!! So why is this my default thought setting?!

Lately, I've been falling completely head-over-heels in love with my life all over again. With it's messy twists and turns, and complicated kinks. I start jobs, I quit jobs. I move and then remove. I start and don't finish things. I love and laugh and cry and sing. I talk to myself in the shower! I love my wardrobe but I don't really bother with make up. I beg my boyfriend to squeeze the zits on my back but I am such a sook when it comes to just about everything else. I still rent at 29 and I don't own any shares (or a car). I'm made good decisions and bad decisions. But I wouldn't trade any of it. I love all of it. It's part of the magic that is me, et cetera et cetera.

So why, I am asking myself (almost completely exhausted by this thought that repeatedly returns, unsated), oh why are you constantly berating yourself for being something less than perfect? For goodness sake, girl, accept yourself!!

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