Friday, 17 February 2012

Crying myself thin

Recently I wrote about coming off Effexor, the wonderdug (read it here). What a rollercoaster! Withdrawal symptoms are so real it almost feels like I'm back in square 1 (I'm not, but at times it feels that way).

My handsome and incredibly patient boyfriend will attest to my violent mood swings. Affectionate and bubbly one minute...raging fury the next. The fury is usually followed by a marathon crying session. Guilt and remorse for the outburst, and frustration at my fury. My body feels dehydrated from all the crying. So many tears. Puffy eyes. Crying is not too unpleasant, but being unable to identify the source of the antipathy is a little worrisome. And worry leads to frustration and fear, which leads to more crying.

And, apparently (from what I've read anyway) this is a 'normal' part of withdrawal.

Eek.

Energy then exhaustion. Energised then depleted. Happy then sad. Hopeful then something like fear. Determined then defeated. Right now all my feelings are in opposition.

Thankfully I have the red toolbox. Oh it's been so handy. It's pretty much full to the brim of lovely things. Lying on my bedroom floor and flicking through all the love in there is wonderous. I'm so glad I took the time to put it together.

Also, and probably most thankfully, there is no anxiety, just grumpy and crying. Maybe the Effexor suppressed it and it's been lurking in there just waiting to come out!

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