Saturday, 1 February 2014

Dear "What's New", Eggs are not new

As a lawyer I write a lot of letters. But my letter writing skills go way back. I've been writing letters (and forging them too, more on that later) since I was a teenager. Letters of complaint are one of my specialties (*flexes fingers).

I've written to countless people for various reasons (not all of them complaints, there was the time I wrote to Jo Mercer requesting her to make me a very special pair of shoes for me because they were all out of stock and I wanted a back up pair of brogues... she said yes too, it was a good letter, but I didn't end up ordering them though, it was a bit excessive I felt).

Anyway, pointless tangent.

Do you remember those advertisements on television, by a company called "whats new"? (Note the absence of the apostrophe and capitalisation is the branding, not my lack of ability to punctuate.)

What's New (I don't care I'm spelling it properly in this post) was a company that did advertisements for the telly to introduce new products. Laundry powder, kitchen wipes, basically anything new that the market didn't know about sometimes found it's way to these ads on telly.

Then one day I was watching tv and a What's New commercial came on...the woman was talking about Milo.

'That's interesting, Milo's been around for, ummm hello, decades', I remember thinking.

They were sprouting all this - I'm going to be kind and call it - "information" about how good Milo is for kids because it makes them drink milk. Or something.

Anyway, a few weeks later again I stumbled across another What's New commercial, this time the lady was talking about eggs. I'm going to repeat that for you. She was talking about eggs!!

Well, I felt that old familiar feeling that I can seldom keep inside when it happens. I had to write to them.

So I did.

It was the shortest "complaint" (slash, feedback) letter I've EVER written. I just had no words. Well, only a few words.

"Dear What's New,
Eggs are not new.
Milo is not new either.

I got a response. Shortly after I hit submit on their website I received an email from a representative of the company. Apparently the thing that was new was the research about eggs and Milo.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thank you What's New for informing us of the benefit of eating eggs and drinking milk.

We never would have figured that out on our own.

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