Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Friend...ships (like the big kind that sail the oceans)

I've never really been part of the "in crowd". I've never had trouble making friends, but I'm much better in one-on-one type situations or in smaller groups of people. My sister and my Mum sometimes lovingly comment that I'm autistic (they've both worked with children with autism and insist that I exhibit autistic traits - everyone is on the spectrum somewhere right?).

Anyway, whether or not I am is not really the point of this post. The point is, my whole life people have said I'm weird (see for example), and so I could never really connect with the type of people that don't like weirdness in some way. I know everyone has their own story and I love hearing people's stories. I especially like intense and weird ones.

I have vivid memories of being that awkward teenager and watching other people socialise together easily, wondering why I felt on the outer. After a while I realised there were other people on the outer too, and it was a really pleasant surprise finding out that those people were The Coolest people in the world. Absolute legends. People I could relate to and have fun with.

Ohhhhh so much fun with.

During my life to date, I have made so many really incredible connections with people I'm proud to call friends. Sometimes I feel like I need an enormous ship (like the kind you can land a plane on) to keep all the incredible memories that I've got with these friends). It's the friend ship.

Some friendships I've had for years, since I was really young. Some friendships are recent. Some friends I've known for a long time but only really gotten close to in recent times. Some friends I see less often. Some friends I haven't seen for years and might not ever see again. Which is okay too, I still love them just the same.

Some friends have given me incredible things (memories and physical things, mostly memories) that I will cherish until well after I'm dead (or senile) and sometimes I feel like I could never repay the awesomeness of those things. But I try (and have always tried) to pay it forward or reciprocate somehow.

It's like an upward spiral of love and affection.


Sometimes there are no words to explain it, and I just grin helplessly at them, pumping as much love as I can muster through my eyes and towards their beautiful souls until tears well-up from deep inside my chest.

That could be happening now actually. The tears part.


Sometimes I feel like my heart couldn't possibly have any more love in it and that surely I must have had my quota of wonderful people in my life. And then I meet someone really cool and discover a whole new enormous part of my heart that's been previously unexplored and opens up new worlds to discover with these new people.

And my ship gets bigger still.

My favourite poem sums it up, by E E Cummings, the bit at the end, which is my favourite bit.

"here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)"

On my ship. (whispers) I added that bit.


1 comment:

  1. Awww .. you are one very special lady! Hugs and kisses to you xoxo