Tuesday, 11 March 2014

And then there's the time I wet my pants...in High School

In High School I had a friend, M. M was honestly one of the funniest people I'd ever met. She has a photographic memory and a super dry sense of humour, kind of like Daria. She made me laugh a lot which frequently got me into trouble at school.

*fondly remembers wagging detention

Anyway. One day, sometime during year 11, M and I were in class together. I'd forgotten to pee during recess and I needed. to. go. Badly. My teacher refused to give me a bathroom break (it being the very start of the class) - and of course M thought it'd be hilarious to make me laugh so hard I'd wet my pants.

I tried desperately hard not to laugh, something so hard when you're trying not to and especially hard when your friends are so freaking hilarious. So of course I was in stitches for something close to an hour and when class fiiiiiinally ended I bolted for the loos.

*looking at you with wide eyed sincerity

I bolted.

The whole way there my friend ran after me, yelling out more hilarious things and I was yelling right back to her "screewwwwww yooooooou!!!!". She was also a faster runner than me - not hard when you're busting, though, to my credit - and arriving well before me proceeded to lock the stall doors.

Toilet 1 was out. Covered in poo or something equally revolting.

Toilet 2 was out. Broken.

Toilet 3 she had locked - and crawled under to toilet 4 which she also locked.

I kicked down the door to toilet 3.

I made it.

Free dress day so I was unbuttoning the three thousand buttons on my stupid, stupid jeans. I thought I had them down in time.

I let the gates open.

My jeans weren't down far enough. Not even close to being down far enough.

And I didn't realise in time.

I emerged from the stall to a friend who was slightly mortified (that I'd kicked down the door) and also quite excited to see if she'd won.

My jumper was firmly tied around my waist.

She threw back her head and cackled with glee.

"I'm going home", I announced. "I'm not going to my locker, I smell like wee. Can you put my bag in my locker? Thanks, see you tomorrow."

Walking down the drive way of our family home I saw my Dad's head just above our roofline. He was doing something up there (can't remember what).

"Hi Pet", he called down to me, "you're home early".

"I wet my pants", I called up to him.

"Oh, righto", he cheerily replied. There aren't very many topics not-up-for discussion in my family.

Too late (again), I saw his business partner's, R, head pop above the roofline.

"Hi Mary!" R said, grinning.

*slowly sighs

(Side note: I just realised if Tony does read my letter and then decides he wants to know more about me he may also read this. Hi Tony! Did the book arrive yet?)
(Second side note: I'm a Legend, Tony, it says so on my year 10 maths certificate, see here.)

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