Friday, 28 March 2014

When everything hurts and there's too much in my head

In the last few weeks I have had a bunch of stuff to process. Some big things. Some whatever things. But nonetheless I've had a bit of it to get through.

*looking at you wide eyed

Okay, a lot.

And it's not been bad necessarily (I try not to label things "bad" or "good" anymore, it's not helpful - things just "are"). It's not been unpleasant - it's been super productive. Turning things over in my mind. Having courage to face all of it even if some of it may have been unpleasant or uncomfortable. I embrace the hard stuff anyway.

But it usually takes me time to process things, and I know this about myself so I give it all time to sink in. And then I try to find ways to my "ah-ha" moment, or moment of catharsis (if you like). I don't force that. I just let it all go and it usually comes eventually.

I had one of those cathartic moments this morning. 'Twas wonderful (as they always are).

Going to work today, in my car, I had Missy Higgins playing on my stereo.

I love to sing. So I sang along.

Sometimes she sings directly to my soul. All in my Head, I sing to myself. Great song if you ever have felt like you couldn't "find yourself" for a time (so vomitous but there's no other way to describe it). Watering Hole, just plain fun and never fails to make me grin. Temporary Love, another goodie. Cooling of the Embers, a song about someone you know dying, today made me sob and sob. Then Hidden Ones, that classic feeling of empowerment to effect change.

I sang until I had pins and needles in my face and in my hands and in my arms.

When that happens I know I've given it everything I've got. A classic characteristic of mine.

The moment of catharsis arrived with Hidden ones. Thanks Missy, I'd LOVE to see you sing that song live.
There is a choice
Follow the leader
Or use your voice
Cause this will just keep up
Until we make a loud noise
And the hidden ones speak up


Missy Higgins, Hidden Ones


"She's holding a torch in her hand
Pointing towards Heaven
And on the streets below her, people living out of trashcans
Are trying to believe she's got a plan

We dug a hole under the sea
But nobody knows how to stop the bleed
There's 999 channels on my TV
And I still have no idea what to believe

There is a choice
Follow the leader
Or use your voice
Cause this will just keep up
Until we make a loud noise
And the hidden ones speak up

Over the water to the east
Two million in a square refuse to sleep
Till every pleading voice is heard
And all the world has seen
Revolution: fallen king down to his knees

Cause they made a choice
Not to follow the leader
But use one voice
Shows ordinary people
Can make a really loud noise
When the hidden ones speak up

He started drinking too young
Tucked into his jeans now is a gun
And the stories of his ancestors
They will never be sung
For he is going where they do not see the sun

And look, there's a circus in town
Watch as the lion eats the clown
Tell me who out there is leading on the ground?
Who will catch the boy before he drowns?
If they're busy putting shows on for the crowd?

There is a choice
You can follow the leader
Or use your voice
Cause this will just keep up
Until we make a loud noise
And the hidden ones speak up"

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